This Love

I am writing this from a pair of shoes that I could never walk in. The problem is, although I knew when I bought them that I would be unlikely to wear them outside the house, there is something almost artistic about the way they look and when I wear them I feel tall and sexy... right up until the moment when I have to walk in them and I fall flat on my face. It is still nice to feel tall and sexy, even if it is just for that moment.

I have a problem. It feels like I am teetering on the edge of being a shopaholic. Observe: in the last month I have bought (as can be seen in the pictures) -

1 waistcoat
2 skirts
6 dresses
1 t-shirt
1 pair of shoes
1 pair of boots
1 playsuit
1 Mac

Yeah... and I wonder why I haven't any room in my wardrobe anymore.

Shopaholism or Oniomania (from the greek word 'to sale') apparently effects 1 in 20 people to varying degrees.

It is suggested that people buy things for the sense of satisfaction. Like all addicts shopaholics shop in order to feel this satisfaction and psychologists suggest that this is more than simply a love of clothes. Apparently people shop to fill the void, to fight depression and to feel validated as people. The shopping becomes compulsive when they feel low so buys something. They then feel guilty about spending the money so feel down again. Then, as a result of feeling low they go shopping... it is an endless cycle that can lead to copious amounts of debt and emotional turmoil as they switch between euphoria and depression.

Contrary to the number of things I have brought I think I have a pretty minor case considering I never spend beyond my means and don't generally shop as a response to feeling low.

Now, in a few months time I am going to begin a long process of saving my money for the future and this will inevitably result in fewer shopping trips. However, I am not worried about no longer feeling validated as a person during this time.

I shop because I like the clothes and having new things to wear and I am not the type of person who buys things and leaves them unused in the cupboard. Dressing up in different outfits are a big part of who I am. I like to try to wear things a little differntly to other peope- to mix things up. I have gathered clothes from all sorts of places- from charity shops, my mum's old wardrobe, our costume cupboard. It doesn't really matter. There is potential everywhere.

So, maybe this month I have been compensating myself a little, knowing what is to come but I don't think it is buying things that has brought me pleasure but using what I have in creative ways. I am sure this love of shopping is not an addiction... we'll see, I guess. (note to self- no more shopping in the near futire)